I have been given a MILLION talks from LDS leaders in the last 2 days. I know what I need to learn to get to the point I need and want to be at. So I am taking my Mission President's advice and I am writing things down. What did I learn today? How did I find it? What am I going to do next?
What did I see God's hand in? Taking a little bit of time and figuring out what I saw and what I See is really hard for me right now. I want to have to much control over what goes on. I have found that because of this control, I am getting angry at things that go wrong because I can't control them.
So today I had my sisters kids. What I found was that I had patience. I had love for them. A genuine love. I was able to keep relative control and was VERY calm with them. They made my day joyful. I am thankful that they had my house bursting at the seams. It made me smile.
I know that I am a good mom. I have a MILLION activities that I want to do with Tyler and they are just floating around my house. When I add 3 more kids, some water and LOTS of paint we have fun. The end of the day comes and I fill Completely fulfilled.
What I saw God's hand is : Patience, Love, and the knowledge that I am a good mom. That I do "deserve" another child.
What I struggled with today: The knowledge that I am a good mom and deserving a child because I can't seem to be able to get that one. But that is what we are working for.
Faith, acceptance, Trust and letting go.
Onto day 2
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